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- Chuck Norris gives better rim-jobs than West Coast Customs.
- Chuck Norris would go straight if he could fuck Rosie O'Donnell. Too bad she is holding out to go straight for Tom Cruise, who is holding out to go gay for Heath Ledger.
- Chuck Norris tried to copyright the copyright symbol. It was the first time the employees at the United States Patent and Trademark Office have ever laughed.
- Chuck Norris fears the Care Bears; especially No Heart.
- On Facebook, Chuck Norris has no pictures tagged by others.
- During the initial filming of Dodgeball, Chuck Norris gave a thumbs down to continuing the match because he's a big fan of the Purple Cobra.
- There are now over 100 official sex manoeuvres popular in the gay community known simply as "The Chuck Norris 1, 2, 3, etc."
- Chuck Norris lives on an island surrounded by a sea of his own tears.
- Chuck Norris, on the set of Sidekicks, asked Jonathan Brandis to tone down his acting skills so that Chuck Norris wouldn't look so bad. Chuck Norris made the request in third person in an attempt to trick Jonathan Brandis into thinking the request was not at the behest of Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris always pours his beer into a glass before drinking it. He giggles like a schoolboy when the glass produces head, then slurps it down like a fag.
- Chuck Norris' DNA is made up of four leaf clovers, unicorns, and smiles.
- Chuck Norris always buys the Double Gulp at 7-11 even though he knows he can't finish it.
- Chuck Norris once lost a fight to a paraplegic because "His chi was too strong."
- Chuck Norris is from Texas. Only steers and queers come from Texas. Chuck Norris has no horns.
- Chuck Norris is an avid reader. He proudly owns all first edition copies of "The Babysitters Club."
- Chuck Norris quit his job working on Sesame Street after just 4 hours, claiming he was tired of "the intimidation, harassment and bullying."
- Chuck Norris once sent himself flowers on Valentine's Day to trick people into thinking he had a girlfriend. Too bad he signed the card, "From Chuck Norris."
- Chuck Norris manages a Baskin Robbins franchise. It only has access to 23 flavors.
- Chuck Norris cuts the roof of his mouth when he eats Cap'n Crunch.
- Chuck Norris once got an erection. Nobody noticed.
- Chuck Norris gets carded for PG-13 movies, including his own.
- Chuck Norris was once spit on by a camel. Chuck Norris then broke out in anger, singing "My Humps" at the top of his lungs to regain his dignity.
- Chuck Norris fears the Mach 4 razor. He wishes it had softer and fewer blades.
- Chuck Norris masturbates furiously in a corner whenever he sees a Bowflex commercial.
- Chuck Norris puts forth so much effort during a Total Gym demonstration that he actually shits his pants. Depends has been trying to get him to endorse their adult diapers for years.
- Chuck Norris' real name is Daniel Goldberg. He is ashamed of his Jewish heritage.
- Chuck Norris eats dirt because he thinks it is feces. He then takes a sip of gasoline and spits it out, complaining that it doesn't taste enough like urine.
- Chuck Norris was once arrested in a small Midwestern town for public indecency. During his four-hour stay in the local jail, he was made the bitch to a pre-op transsexual named Phil.
- Chuck Norris changed his name to Chuck in 1972 because he was in fact the Charlie they were searching for in 'Nam.
- The best part of waking up for Chuck Norris is cock in his cup.
- Chuck Norris looked in the mirror. When he saw how gay he looked, he roundhouse kicked himself in the face.
- Chuck Norris once tried to eat a 72 oz steak in an hour, but filled up on a
house salad then threw up.
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